How Do I Choose an Adoption Agency or Adoption Attorney

Choosing an adoption professional is one of the first major decisions prospective adoptive parents make, and it can be surprisingly confusing. You may be wondering whether you need an adoption agency or an adoption attorney, whether you should stay close to home, or whether an agency in another state might be a better fit.

Then there are all the questions that come with that decision. How do you know whether an adoption professional is reputable? Does the size of the agency matter? How much attention should you pay to estimated wait times? What happens if you are matched and the adoption doesn't proceed? These are important questions, particularly when you may be preparing to make a significant financial commitment.

There isn't one adoption professional who is right for every family. Understanding how the different options work—and knowing what deserves your attention—can help you make a much more informed choice.

Your Home Study Agency and Your Placement Agency May Be Different

One of the most common misconceptions I hear from prospective adoptive parents is that the agency completing their home study must also be the agency that handles their adoption. That isn't necessarily the case.

Your home study needs to be completed by an agency or provider properly licensed or authorized to provide home study services in your state. For your actual placement, however, you may choose to work with that same agency, or you may work with an adoption agency or adoption attorney in another state. Families do it both ways all the time.

There are advantages to keeping everything with one agency. Your records are already there, the staff knows your family, and communication between the home study and placement sides of the process may be easier. For some families, having one organization guide most of the process simply feels more comfortable.

There can also be advantages to looking outside your state. Another agency may offer a program that is a better fit for your family, work with a different number of expectant parents, provide different services, or approach matching and open adoption differently. It may also give you more options than limiting your search to agencies within driving distance of your home.

Neither approach is automatically better. What matters is understanding who will be responsible for each part of your adoption and how the professionals will work together.

How to Choose an Adoption Agency: Understand How the Program Works?

An adoption agency typically provides several adoption services under one organization. Depending on the agency and the laws in the states involved, those services may include adoptive-parent education, home study services, matching, expectant-parent services, post-placement supervision, and coordination with attorneys for the legal portions of the adoption.

An adoption attorney primarily handles the legal aspects of adoption, although some attorneys are much more involved in the overall process than others. Some families work primarily with an experienced adoption attorney and arrange other services separately, while others prefer having an agency coordinate most of the process. It is also very common for an adoption to involve both an agency and one or more attorneys.

Rather than asking whether an agency or attorney is universally "better," think about the amount of guidance you want. Some families are very comfortable coordinating several professionals themselves, while others want one organization helping them navigate most of the journey.

Look Beyond the Website and the First Phone Call

Adoption websites can be beautiful, testimonials can be compelling, and the person who answers your first call may make you feel wonderful about moving forward. Those things aren't meaningless, but they shouldn't be the basis of your decision.

Start with the fundamentals. Make sure you understand the professional's credentials, licensing when applicable, and experience specifically with domestic adoption. Find out how established the current program is and whether the organization regularly handles the kind of adoption you hope to pursue.

Then pay attention to how they communicate with you. Are your questions welcomed? Are the answers clear and specific? Do they explain the realities as well as the exciting possibilities? Do you feel educated after the conversation, or mostly sold?

Those early conversations can give you a glimpse of what it may be like to work with the organization six months from now when you have a difficult question rather than an application in your hand.

Understand How the Adoption Program Actually Works

Two organizations can both describe themselves as domestic adoption programs and operate very differently. That's why I wouldn't choose an agency based on a website's estimated wait time alone.

Domestic infant adoption generally doesn't work like a traditional waiting list where you move steadily toward the front. In many adoptions, an expectant parent participates in choosing the prospective adoptive family. That makes it impossible for anyone to predict exactly when a particular family will be selected.

It is reasonable to want to understand how many families an organization serves, how active its domestic adoption program is, and generally how its matching process works. Those facts can give you much more meaningful information than a promise that families "usually match quickly." And remember that matching doesn't always happen in the orderly way you pictured when you started the process.

Sometimes the Phone Call Comes From the Hospital

This is one of those adoption realities that still makes me smile because I have coached adoptive parents through it more than once. A family will call me and say something along the lines of, "Lisa, the agency just called. The birth mother is at the hospital. She's delivering the baby!"

That's it. No weeks of getting ready for this particular baby. No carefully planned travel date circled on the calendar. Sometimes the adoption opportunity begins with a telephone call telling you that a baby is being born right now.

Your agency will give you the information it has about the situation so you can decide whether you are comfortable accepting the match. If you say yes, the next question may be remarkably simple:

"How soon can you get here?"

My answer to families is equally simple: the next flight out.

These last-minute hospital matches are a wonderful example of why I want families to think about more than estimated wait times when choosing an adoption professional. You want to know that when the unexpected happens, there is someone on the other end of the telephone who knows what needs to happen next and can guide you through it.

Adoption can involve months of waiting followed by an afternoon in which everything suddenly moves very, very quickly. Good professionals prepare you for both.

Pay Attention to How Expectant Parents Are Treated

When you're interviewing an adoption professional, listen carefully to how the organization talks about pregnant women who are considering adoption. The language they use can tell you quite a bit about their philosophy and practices.

An expectant mother is considering adoption; she has not yet placed her child. She should have the opportunity to receive information and appropriate support as she considers her options, including the option of parenting her child. Her decision should be made without pressure from the prospective adoptive family or the professionals involved.

Ask enough about expectant-parent services to feel comfortable with the organization's approach. You don't need to become an expert in adoption ethics before choosing a professional, but you should feel confident that the people helping you build your family are treating everyone involved with dignity and respect. How your child's first parents were treated will eventually become part of your child's adoption story. That alone makes this worth paying attention to.

Understand the Financial Commitment Before You Sign

Domestic adoption is a significant financial commitment, and comparing programs can be difficult because organizations don't necessarily structure their fees in the same way. A number on a website may not represent everything you will ultimately pay.

Before signing a contract or making a substantial payment, make sure you understand the overall fee structure and which services are included. You should also understand when major payments become due and what additional expenses may arise along the way.

One issue deserves particular attention: what happens financially if an anticipated placement doesn't occur? An expectant mother may ultimately decide to parent, or a match may end for another reason. Financial policies in these circumstances can differ significantly, so this is something you want to understand before you're emotionally involved in a particular situation.

You don't need to memorize every fee during your first conversation. You do need enough written information to understand what you're agreeing to before you sign.

Think About What It Will Be Like to Work With Them While You Wait

Most prospective adoptive parents understandably want to know how long the process will take. I would encourage you to think about another question at the same time: What will it be like to work with these people while we're waiting?

There may be months when very little seems to be happening, followed by a call asking you to make an important decision quickly. You want to understand who your primary contact will be, how the organization communicates with waiting families, and what kind of guidance you'll receive when an adoption opportunity is presented.

The person who enrolls you in a program may not necessarily be the person who works with you afterward. Knowing who will actually guide you through the process can matter more than you might expect.

Think Beyond Getting Matched

When families first begin researching adoption professionals, the focus is often on one thing: Who can match us with an expectant mother? But a good adoption professional needs to understand what happens after that introduction as well.

After a match, there may be communication with the expectant parent, medical information to consider, legal issues, hospital planning, consent requirements and interstate procedures. After placement, there are still post-placement requirements and eventually adoption finalization.

You don't need to understand every one of those steps today. That's why you're hiring experienced professionals. You do, however, want to feel confident that the people you choose know how to guide you when you reach them.

Be Cautious About Guarantees and Pressure

Prospective adoptive parents understandably want reassurance. Hearing that an organization can help you adopt quickly can be incredibly appealing, particularly if you've already experienced years of infertility or have been thinking about adoption for a long time.

Be cautious, however, about guarantees of a baby or promises that your family will definitely be matched within a particular timeframe. Also pay attention if you feel pressured to make a large payment immediately, important financial policies seem difficult to obtain, or your questions are brushed aside.

You are not being difficult when you ask questions before making a major commitment. A reputable adoption professional should expect prospective adoptive parents to do their homework.

My Advice After Nearly Three Decades in Adoption

If I were choosing an adoption professional, I wouldn't make my decision primarily by asking, "Who says they can help me adopt the fastest?" I know how tempting that question is. Once you've decided you're ready to adopt, every additional month can feel enormous.

I would pay much more attention to how clearly the organization answers difficult questions, how transparent it is about money, how it speaks about expectant parents, how experienced its staff is, and whether I believe someone will still be there to help me when something doesn't go according to plan.

I'd also give myself permission to talk with more than one professional. After you've spoken with several agencies or attorneys, you'll begin to notice meaningful differences that you probably wouldn't have recognized during your first call.

The best conversation isn't necessarily the one that leaves you the most excited. Sometimes it's the one that leaves you the most informed.

Frequently Asked Questions About Choosing an Adoption Professional

Do I have to use my home study agency for my adoption?

Not necessarily. Your home study must be completed by a provider properly licensed or authorized to provide home study services in your state, but your placement professional may be the same agency or a different adoption agency or attorney, including one located in another state. Families use both approaches regularly.

Can I use an adoption agency in another state?

Families frequently work with placement professionals outside their home state. When multiple states and professionals are involved, there will be additional coordination and applicable state requirements, but you aren't necessarily limited to adoption agencies located near your home.

Is an adoption agency better than an adoption attorney?

Neither is automatically better. Agencies and attorneys provide different services, and state requirements can also affect your options. Some families prefer the broader support an agency may offer, while others are comfortable assembling a team of professionals around an experienced adoption attorney.

Should I choose the agency with the shortest estimated wait?

I wouldn't make that your deciding factor. Domestic infant adoption timelines are difficult to predict, particularly when expectant parents participate in choosing adoptive families. Consider the entire program, including its experience, communication, ethics, financial transparency and support.

Can an adoption opportunity really happen with no warning?

Absolutely. Some families develop a relationship with an expectant mother during pregnancy and have considerable time to prepare. Other adoption opportunities arise when a woman is already in labor or has delivered her baby. If you are comfortable accepting a last-minute opportunity, you may need to travel very quickly.

How to Choose an Adoption Agency That's Right for Your Family

You don't need to become an adoption expert before choosing an agency or attorney. You do need enough information to recognize that adoption professionals and programs can be very different.

Take your time comparing your options, pay attention to what is clearly explained, and don't be afraid to keep looking if something doesn't feel like the right fit. Remember, too, that your local home study agency is not necessarily your only option for placement. Understanding that distinction alone can open up possibilities you may not have realized were available.

Most importantly, think beyond finding someone who can help you get matched. You're choosing professionals who may be beside you through months of waiting, unexpected decisions, emotional moments—and perhaps even that unforgettable telephone call telling you to start packing because a baby is being born.

Before You Choose Your Adoption Professional

Knowing what to consider is the beginning. Knowing exactly what questions to ask, what answers to compare, and what information to get in writing before you commit is where the process becomes much more detailed.

That's why we created the Banyan Family Press Complete Guide to Domestic Adoption Toolkit. The Toolkit takes you beyond the education we provide here and gives you practical worksheets, checklists, questions and planning tools to help you evaluate professionals and make informed decisions throughout your adoption.

We've intentionally kept this article focused on helping you understand what matters when choosing an adoption professional. The Toolkit is designed to help you put that knowledge into action.

Next: How Long Does It Take to Adopt a Baby?